Sport is something that can unite everyone on this earth. It is magical. It should have a place in everyone’s life. But sport does not come without its troubles. There are those who are determined to ruin sport. They are the assholes of sport.
This feature will contain a lot of ripping into people and groups. I am sure you can bear with it.
There is no specific description that describes an asshole in sport. But we shall have a look at what an asshole is and apply that to the sporting arena.
ASSHOLE – SOMEONE BEING ARROGANT, RUDE, OBNOXIOUS, OR JUST A TOTAL DICKHEAD, A JIVING, SLIPPERY MOTHER-F****R WHO REALLY RUBS HUMANITY THE WRONG WAY. – URBAN DICTIONARY.
This perfectly sums up what an asshole is. An asshole in sport is exactly an asshole, but they just happen to be involved in sport. You are probably wondering why this is about assholes in sport anyway. Wonder no more. I like sport, and so do you. This is a serious talking point that needs to be addressed.
Assholes of sport have both negative and positive consequences. When someone comes along who is good at being an asshole, they draw a lot of attention to sport. They attract the mass media and put all sorts of eyes on sport. As the saying goes, all publicity is good publicity, and with the goal of sport being to expand and grow as much as possible, as many eyes on the product is ideal.
It is not very often that these assholes end up making a joke out of the sport they are involved in. Although when this does happen, that is the point where things need to be put to a halt.
Despite all the benefits assholes do to sport, my favourite part about it is the pure entertainment value they give us. You can either admit you get a kick and a chuckle out of someone making a dick of themselves, or you can remain a liar. These people often go beyond what is required to be an asshole. They also happen to do it in front of thousands watching live in attendance, and thousands more watching around the world.
Let’s look at some individuals and groups who I consider to be assholes in sport and see how they have impacted things.
This one will probably be hard to understand if you aren’t interested in cricket, especially if you aren’t from New Zealand, but bear with me. Every sports team has a rival that they just despise and love to beat. For the New Zealand cricket team (Blackcaps), this is Australia.
The sporting rivalry between Australia and New Zealand is well documented. From the infamous underarm incident to the heated battles taking place on the rugby field, we really don’t like Australian sporting teams. None more so than their cricket team.
It isn’t that we just don’t like the team, it is that the team is made up of a bunch of assholes. Want some evidence? Here you go.
We really, really don’t like them. You probably don’t like them either now. Unless you are one of them… p**s off.
However, I am reluctantly willing to admit this, but this is the good kind of sporting assholes. Instead of impacting the integrity of the sport, they add to the feature, the showcase. They make you care about beating them even more. You hate losing to them. You can’t stand it. It makes more people watch and does wonders for the world of sports.
Yes, there is actually such thing as a good asshole.
RUSSIAN ATHLETICS FEDERATION
In case you aren’t familiar with the current state of athletics in Russia, they currently are under a scandal involving a state-sponsored doping problem which has led to them being banned from major sporting competitions and a multitude of ongoing investigations. But this isn’t going to be about what they have done and the ethics and morals of it. This is about them being assholes of sport.
I am going to get serious for a moment.
When I say them, I mean all those involved and participating in the doping program by their own will. They are the real assholes, they demean and undermine the sports they are involved in and they make a joke out of them on their way to cheating themselves to success. They make a mockery out of all the hard work and dedication put in by all the other clean athletes.
Few people watch athletics in the first place, but who is going to be watching it now that they know half the people in it are probably on some form of performance enhancing drug? It ruins the magic, the true meaning of sport. Something we at PYJAMA will never forgive them for.
ASSHOLES WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING
There are the straight-up assholes, there are the good assholes and then there are the assholes who know what they are doing.
These are the assholes who are in it for their own personal gain, predominantly financial. They just happen to have the very beneficial side effect of putting eyes on their given sport, giving it a wider reach and overall increasing the popularity of it. However, I am not yet willing to classify these people as good assholes as they are still only in it for themselves.
This is none more evident than in the world of mixed martial arts (MMA) and boxing. You can probably guess the two names I am about to mention. The tow greatest assholes of this kind are Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather. They truly understand the showmanship of their respective sports and have used this to their great advantage for huge financial gain. But they have also set unbelievable viewing records and elevated their sports to great heights.
In the end, it all comes back to the magic of sport and maintaining that. As it may be a pain to admit, these types of assholes certainly do help to accomplish that.
- Nick Kyrgios – Tennis. Nick is known as the bad boy of tennis. He is the only reason I have watched any form of tennis. Watching him put on a show and meltdown is as satisfying as peeling the plastic off something brand new or a slinky on a treadmill. The astonishing part though is that he is ranked 15th in the world and doesn’t have a coach.
- Sepp Blatter – Football / President of FIFA. Oh FIFA, the most corrupt f*****g organisation on earth. I already don’t like football; FIFA and Sepp Blatter really don’t help. They make football even more unbearable. I mean for Christ’s sake, how the f**k does Qatar get to host the largest sporting event on earth? It’s ridiculous.
- Lance Armstrong – Cycling/Doping. Notice me also referring to cycling as doping, because that is all that ‘sport’ is. I really contemplated even having it in an article about sport. Everyone in cycling dopes and Lance is the figurehead asshole for them all. He is apparently ‘sorry’ for what he has done. Yeah right, he is probably rolling around in a pile of cash as we speak, and needles, can’t forget the needles.
- Daniel Snyder – American Football / Owner of the Washington Redskins. This guy is a true asshole. He is currently trying to defend the obviously racist and despicable name of his team with pathetic, bullshit excuses like it is an honouring an “Indian” coach that doesn’t even exist. I am sorry, but this sort of thing makes me wild. American Football aready has enough problems, assholes like this don’t help.
Sports is a strong passion for not only us at PYJAMA, but for the millions, and millions, around the world. When there are assholes who think they can ruin what we love, they need to think again. I will come after them with a scathing feature against them, extremely powerful. Too late for ya now kiddos.
But praise must also go out to those good assholes of sport. For all the good that they do and all the attention they bring to their sports. They are the true unsung heroes of sport.