We all have a friendship. I hope. Friends are essential for us to live a healthy and prosperous life. We can have good friends. But we can have bad ones too. In the end, they still all mean something to us.
Friendship – “The emotion or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.”
Friends – “A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.”
It is going to be a little weird getting so deep and psychologically into friendships. But I think it would be beneficial to truly understand if we have friends or not.
For friends to be made, the following criteria are proposed:(Lickerman, 2013)
- Common interests. You generally must like the same things as your friends, otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be friends with them in the first place.
- History. You need to have shared some experiences together. Good or shit, it doesn’t matter.
- Common values. If you don’t appreciate the same things, you probably can’t appreciate them as friends.
- Equality. If you see yourself as greater than them, they are peasants to you and not friends.
You may be one to buck this trend, but probably not. It is interesting to think about these things and realise how true they COULD be.
Apparently, there is more to a friendship, however, then just someone becoming your friends. They must actually mean something to you: (Lickerman, 2013)
- Commitment to your happiness. For a friend to really stay, they must be committed to being your friend. None of this once a year crap.
- Not placing friendship before principles. You shouldn’t have to compromise your principles for a friend.
- A good influence. This one is debatable.
I am less convinced behind the psychology of what keeps a friend a friend, but I can see how it could work.
The reason for my questioning of this psychology is because you have both good and bad friends.
A good friend is someone who you rely upon and they will always pull through. Someone you are constantly having a cracker of a time with. While a bad friend is someone who leads you astray when you least expect it. We were all warned about peer pressure as a kid; bad friends are the definition of it.
PYJAMA’s Requirements for Friendship
I am about to go against years of psychological research and provide our requirements for what makes a friend. One thing I find with psychological situations like this is that common sense is hardly ever applied.
It is good and all to have ‘psychological insight’ into how friends are formed and maintained, but like economics, that is as real as your dignity. We decided there needed to be a way of determining if god wanted you to be friends. If you were made for each other.
Here are PYJAMA’s 7 requirements for you to actually be friends with someone (probably). In my professional opinion, if at least 5 of these are met, then you are on your way to a great friendship.
1. The roasting of each other
No friendship would be complete with the roasting of each other. This isn’t your Friday potato and chicken supper roast, this is your take the piss out of someone roast. It has become a commonplace that when the opportunity is available, you take advantage of it. This must always be a two-way street. If a roast is given out, then one must always accept it if it is given back.
There is, however, an exception to this. When a roast is attempted, and the roast is horrible, then it is free reign to roast the said friend back. This is generally when the best roasts take place.
2. Taking the piss
There will always be a common enemy or enemies amongst a friendship. The ritual amongst friends is to take the piss out of the enemy whenever possible. Whether this is out of something they have done, a photo they have posted or whatever, there will always be a way.
This taking the piss is generally also no holds barred and certainly, no f***s are given.
3. The spontaneous shit that always happens
You are not true friends unless you end up at or doing something random and wonder how on earth you ended up there. You are all awake and conscious in the moment, but one way or another, you all ended up jumping out of a plane at 5000ft (with a parachute).
The most common spontaneous thing that happens the most in New Zealand is $1 frozen coke runs. For those of you outside of the 4 countries, it is the single greatest thing since sliced bread. Liken it to a slushy, but a whole lot better.
4. The no-knock relationship
You can be friends without this one, but it does put a large strain on things. The no-knock rule is where you can just walk into a friend’s house without knocking or show a sign of presence. This must, however, be done without any ramifications or a “what the heck are you doing”, as you could potentially walk into anyone’s house. Your entrance should be generally met with a ‘hey’ or a ‘sup’ and then proceed to lie down on their couch and probably sleep.
5. Nothing is held back
This is somewhat contrary but also goes hand in hand with requirement 1. Even though roasting must take place, nothing is ever held back or remains unsaid. This isn’t just about things of a personal nature, but also gossip and information surrounding others in the local community.
An addition to this is that opinions on things is never held back and are often disputed.
6. The food rule
A large requirement for proper friendship is the food rule. The food rule is where you can eat another friend’s food, particularly at their house, without asking or them even knowing. Again, you could probably eat food out of anyone’s house, but it needs to be done without them being annoyed or causing a criminal violation.
Additionally, food is brought to the group with the expectation that it will be gone instantly.
7. Competition gets heated
This is a big one, particularly for us here in New Zealand. We have a culture of backyard sports with your mates. If you are truly friends, these sports will have a strong winner takes all and win at all costs mentality. Things will get very heated and there will be quite a few standout moments where things took a turn for the worse.
It also isn’t a true friendship unless someone has ended up hurt and required medical treatment. I have suffered a fair few injuries in my time.
About the Requirements
These requirements were created based on a typical New Zealand friendship (the proper friendships). These requirements may vary around the world, but our overseas correspondents weren’t available to do any translations.
Please apply these to your life, and if you don’t have any friends that meet them, you have some work to do.