Wedding Ring

Weddings, A How Not To Do Guide

Weddings form a special bond between two people, or sometimes things, that seals their love for eternity. Weddings are magical things. People like to celebrate the happiest moments, the feel-good moments, the moments that make us all warm and fuzzy inside. This is what weddings are all about, isn’t it?

We can’t forget the sacrament of marriage either, “In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total union.” (For Your Marriage) Just sometimes they end up in total union with hilarious things, or in the stupidest ways.

You should be accustomed to us by now. This isn’t going to be about the good side of marriages. We prefer to focus on the ridiculous, the comedic and the down-right dignity ruining. Here is PYJAMA’s take on weddings.

This is going to be a bit of a journey.

Crazy Wedding Traditions and Rituals

Weddings are often not as we know it. Unless you are one of the crazy ones. Gone are the days where a simple, traditional wedding was good enough. Now you can’t get married without dissecting a chicken or even jumping over a broom.

Dissecting a chicken

What a great way to start things off, with chickens. The Daur people of China have a strange tradition of selecting their wedding dates. The marriage of a couple is dependent on the dissection of a chicken. The couple must dissect a chicken, and if they find it to have a healthy liver, then they may marry, otherwise they are to continue dissecting chicken until they find a healthy liver.

When you think about it, this doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary for something from China. Although I am getting a real HowToBasic vibe from this one.

Spoon giving

Wales, known for having the man Mount Everest was named after and inventing lawn tennis, is also apparently quite fond of their spoons. On the day of marriage, the husband gives his wife a hand-crafted spoon, typically made from sycamore or lime. Not only will the husband get to deal with less complaining about missing cutlery, but it is also a symbol to his wife that he will never let her get hungry.

Jumping the broom


Jumping the Broom
Couple jumping the broom.

Now would be a perfect moment for a pun, such as I am going to sweep the floor with this one. But I will show restraint. Restraint the married couples are not able to show with this tradition. A broom is placed on the ground and the couple jumps over it. This is meant to symbolise a new beginning and a sweeping away of the past. The jumped over broom used to be used afterwards for cleaning, obviously, but now it is just kept as a keepsake.

Blackening the bride

This isn’t what you think it is. Trust me. This is a Scottish tradition, calm down. In this tradition, the bride is ‘captured’ and covered in disgusting substances, which is normally either food or trash. They are then tied to a tree or paraded around the streets in the back of a pick-up truck. That part is confusing, it sounds like something to come out of the Southern States, not Scotland. Their friends also bang pots and pans around them, announcing the wedding. It is believed this prepares the wife for the troubles she will face during the marriage.

It is highly possible that she will become a sanitation officer (Zac and Cody reference).

Marrying a tree

Again, this is something that sounds like it comes out of Alabama or Texas or something. In some Indian Hindu communities, before a woman can marry, she is told she must first marry a tree. Especially if the bride is believed to be possessed with the Manglik dosh, whatever that is. The tree is then cut down which symbolises the offsetting of her evil.

Interestingly, the same effect can be achieved by marrying a clay pot and is often used to act in place of the husband.

Cross-dressing Russia

This sort of thing could only come out of Russia. I don’t even know how to explain this one, nor do I want to. Just google it yourself.

Bride kidnapping

Statistics time, 40% of ethnic Kyrgyz women are married after their future husbands kidnap them. 66.67% of these kidnappings are non-consensual. Not entirely sure as to how you get a consensual kidnapping, but we will run with it. Men are often seen driving around looking for a suitable wife. Once found, the woman will be dragged off the street and taken to the man’s home. In most cases, the family would have already started preparing before the wife has even been found.

This is a practice we certainly do not agree with nor condone. Check out this Vice Documentary to learn more about the kidnappings.

  • I make a lot of jokes. Most of the time they are bad, but sometimes I rip out some absolute pearlers.

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